|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| What happens to a dream deferred?
I felt I needed to alliterate my subject line. Hurrah for reading poetry.
First point of importance: my dearest sister Hannah. She is back in the hospital and will likely remain there for quite a while. I am not at liberty to share many details, but in reality details aren't needed. All that needs to be known is that since the seizures Hannah isn't really herself anymore. Prayer for wholeness of mind, body, and spirit for Hannah are in great need. Prayers for the wisdom of doctors. Prayers for us as her family.
I cannot put into words really how I feel about all of this. Its surreal in many ways, yet it is my reality. My desire is to drop everything and just be with my family, but I have obligations, and I know that what my parents and Hannah desire for me is to finish out my semester as best as I can. Unfortunately I will likely get the lowest GPA I have ever gotten this semester, but I am continuing to convince myself that the grades on my transcript don't reflect all that I have learned while at college.
Physically I am a wreck. The stress of this whole situation is wreaking havoc on my body. My pain level is about a 7-8 when I am fully medicated, I am so exhausted all the time. The fatigue I'm experiencing is never ending. I'm running low grade temps, I'm constantly nauseous. Its like all the progress I have with my illness has reversed itself. I could sleep all the time and never get enough rest. I hate it. Four more weeks of torturous school, then blissful break (well except I still have to work)
Ahh, Harry Potter. Some of you are probably wondering why that’s in my subject line. Some of you will also be quite shocked (appalled) at the fact that I have just finished reading the books. You might even be more surprised to find out that I enjoyed them.
Here is the lowdown:
Have I read the books: yes
Did I like them: yes
Will I read them again: yes
Will I buy them: most likely yes
Will I read book seven when it comes out: as soon as I can get my hands on a copy, yes
Will I see the movie(s): yes
Do I agree with my parents' stance on the books: yes
Will I read them to my siblings: no
Will I read them to my children: no My parents have been vehemently opposed to the Harry Potter books since they first came out. We children were not allowed to read them, discuss them with our friends, or see the movies. I was fine with this and didn't really have any desire to read the books. I've basically stayed out of any Potter conversations, including those between my brother Jeremy (who read the books shortly after he moved out) and my parents. Jeremy would tell them that the books weren't all that bad, but my parents stood firm on their choice that they were not right for our family. Then sometime last fall I saw the end of one of the Harry Potter movies on TV and was astounded by how well it was put together and the positive message it gave.. Coupling that with the advent of the seventh and final book Harry Potter talk seemed to surround me everywhere. I overheard conversations between Christian friends of mine discussing the redeeming values in the books, and I was curious. I knew I couldn't make an argument for or against the books when I had never read them. So I embarked on a journey through the six Harry Potter books. I felt that I was mature enough (both spiritually and emotionally) to discern between the good and bad, right and wrong found in the books.
I was actually surprised to see that there was a clear cut distinction between the good and the bad within the books, despite what some Christians will say. There are many Christian themes interwoven throughout the book, and some parts I think would make excellent sermon illustrations (abominable thought, I know). But the biggest issue I had with the books is that they are supposed to take place in our world, right now. And in this world the type of magic that even the "good guys" use is condemned by God. Comparing that to Narnia, which is a different world, and even Lord of the Rings, which is sort of set in our world but in a time that current humankind doesn't know about. In those stories I can rationalize the use of "magic" because it is different, the rules governing the universes in these books are different, then the type being used by the character is Harry Potter.
Along those same lines, I wouldn't read the books to my future children or my siblings, like I will and have read Narnia, because I don't want them to run around play "witches and wizards". I'd rather they pretend to be Kings and Queens in Narnia, or pirates, or superheroes. Children so easily immerse themselves in imaginary worlds, and unfortunetly the world of Harry Potter isn't the safest one, as it gets darker as time goes on. The main characters mature and the problems they face are more mature, too mature for a a 9-12 year old to handle in my opinion. There are significant character deaths in books 4-6 that had me in tears. But as an adult I was able to handle the mature themes of death and sacrifice and pull out the redeeming values within the story.
“I say to you all, once again -- in the light of Lord Voldemort's return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Lord Voldemort's gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." ~ Professor Dubledore
"Have you…" he began. "I mean, who … has anyone you known ever died?"
"Yes," said Luna simply, "my mother... I was nine."
"I’m sorry," Harry mumbled.
"Yes, it was rather horrible," said Luna conversationally. "I still feel very sad about it sometimes. But I’ve still got Dad. And anyway, it’s not as though I’ll never see Mum again, is it?"
"Er – isn’t it?" said Harry uncertainly.
She shook her head in disbelief. "Oh, come on. You heard them, just behind the veil, didn’t you?"
“You mean…"
"In that room in the archway. They were just lurking out of sight, that’s all, you heard them."
I am not saying that all Christians should read the Potter books. They are definitely not for everyone. You aren't missing out on anything super fantastic by choosing to abstain from them. But if you do choose to read them, or have read them, I would enjoy discussing them with you. (My father has also read the books and his viewpoint is pretty much the same as mine.
We've been reading poetry by Langston Hughes in my American Lit class. This one of his, for whatever reason really jumped out at me. It is from a series of his poems, this one is entitled "Harlem." I have already pictured in my head the gorgeous collage I am going to create that this poem is the inspiration for.
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore -
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust ad surgar over -
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
~ Langston Hughes
I need to escape from the library so I can eat something. I have a kiwi and fresh strawberries in my backpack. yum | | |
| So first off, big praise. My parents were able to bring Hannah home from the hospital last night. This is a huge stress reliever as my parents have wanted to have one of them with her the whole time she was there. So it is a big relief having her at home.
So first off, big praise. My parents were able to bring Hannah home from the hospital last night. This is a huge stress reliever as my parents have wanted to have one of them with her the whole time she was there. So it is a big relief having her at home. However, we still have a long way to go. Hannah's memory was severly affected by the seizure. She doesn't remember or recognize any of her family or friends. She knows who mom and dad are, but only because she sees them regularily, not because she has any memories of them. She also is suffering from ataxia, which is poor balance and coordination. She is unable to really walk on her own. The MRIs she had done show no brain damage, which is wonderful. The amnesia and ataxia should get better in time as her brain relearns things. My mom likened it to a library with all the books strewn on the floor. Hannah has to figure out how to put the books back in the right places. Thank you so much for your prayers and support, for your hugs and kind words. They mean so much. Please keep praying for us all as we struggle down this new road. Many people have asked how I am doing, and to be honest, its really hard to put into words. This has been really tramatic and painful. There are a lot of big feelings I've been trying to process with all this. I feel overwhelmed. But I'm hanging on as best I can. Lindsay P.S. So I have some sort of cold/cough thing going on and I have completly lost my voice. Its awful. So pray I get better soon too  | | |
| Most of you that read my xanga read my other blogs, but since some of you don't I figured I'd post this here too. The more people praying the better.
Yesterday my 15 year old sister Hannah collapsed at school having a seizure. She was brought by ambulance to the local hospital. She was admited over night and is still there. The doctor doesn't know exactly whats wrong yet as they are still running tests, but he believes that this isn't the first seizure she has had.
5 years ago Hannah had a similar episode and the doctors didn't know
what was wrong. They finally said it was encephalitis (brain swelling)
but had no cause. The doctor at she is seeing now says that it was likely that
that episode was also a seizure. Also Hannah has moments that she seems
to totally zone out, and we have though it was just part of her
personality, being day-dreamy and the like, but its possible those were
mild seizures as well.
She had and MRI this morning and they won't see the doctor until this afternoon. So prayers are greatly needed. Prays for healing for Hannah and wisdom for the doctors. Also for peace for the rest of my family. We are all pretty shaken as you can imagine.
Hannah is awake and alert now, for a while she was completly unresponsive which was scary. However she is very confused. She recognizes mom and dad, but when her teachers from school came to visit she didn't know who they were. She keeps asking why she is in the hospital. This confusion could be a side effect from the anti-seizure meds she is on, or also a result of the seizure itself. Likely a bit of both.
Hannah's biggest complaint right now is her wrist. She appears to have
hurt it pretty badly during the seizure yesterday. Also she has an IV
giving her meds which is really painful.
I'll do my best to keep you updated. Thank you so much for praying.
| | |
| I am happy.
I still have a cold, still feel kinda yucky. But this glorious weather has made it okay. Although my apartment feels like a sauna... its nasty. Today is a little overcast and chilly, but spring is here, and I love it.
A friend asked me earlier this week if I am more satisfied with my life now then I was a year ago. There was barely a pause and I said yes.
Looking back I stand in awe of how much a year has changed me and who I am. Today I feel that I know who I am, I know my identity more then I did. I am okay with who I am, in fact may I be so bold as to say that I love who God has created me to be.
I find myself letting go more and more. As a person who has need to be in contol of things to feel secure, this is huge. I am a planner and a list maker and clinging to a schedule gives me a sense of security, of control. Of course whenever I have control of thing... well it isn't always pretty.
This morning on the radio I hear the song "So Long Self" by MercyMe.
Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self
How true those words are to me. And while its easy to say that I am trusting God, it is so much harder for me to actually do it. I am not one to trust easily in anything. I have such a fear of being hurt, of being rejected that I simple don't reach out. Trusting God has been a huge battle for me, and will likely continue to be a struggle. But "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
There are so many question marks about my future. I am going to graduate college in a year and I don't know what I'm going to do after that. I don't know where God is going to lead me. And, instead of allowing that unknown to make me anxious and worry, I'm just saying "okay God... I'll let you take care of it."
I see life as an adventure. I look in wonderment at what will come around the next turn.
In a way, I'm scared. That doubting part of me worries about what will happen next. I mean how long will things be "going good". My life has been filled with tragedy after tragedy, and I want worry about what is coming. Can I handle the next trial, the next downward spiral? What more pain will this world throw at me.
"Trust Me" I hear Him whispering. "I've got you, don't be afraid. Trust Me."
Okay, Daddy, I'm trusting. I'm hoping and believing that You'll catch me when I fall. That forever and always I rest in You hand.
Faith... what a funny thing. | | |
| I've neglected my xanga, I apologize. In an attempt to make up for the lack of entries for the last three months, read all of this, if you want
I'm tired, completely worn out and somewhat exhausted. And its only
the first week of the semester. Something is wrong with this picture.
I'm worried I'm headed into another flair up of my illness, I have been
in so much pain as of late. Its been interfering with my focusing in
classes and with sleeping at night. Not a cool thing to say the least.
And now for something shocking: I am sick of doing art.
The
only class I am in that I am not at all looking forward to is my
Graphic Design Production class. I am tired of cranking out work that
I have no interest in creating, for the sole purpose of receiving a
high enough grade on in it to maintain my GPA. I have no desire to be
creative, to pull out my paints, or pens, or what have you and create
art. I was dreading my class today, but thankfully was able to escape
after only half an hour because today he basically wanted us to read
and research a list of terms dealing with color, graphic design, and
printing. Since I didn't bring my book to class (we have never had to
bring out book to class before, yet today he is appalled at the fact
nearly all of us left ours at home) I was able to leave after I typed
up the lengthly list of terms to look up. Before I left I was informed
that he expected at least 3-4 hours of homework time put into this
before Tuesday. Oh yeah, thats gonna happen.
I actually have
all the art credits I need to graduate with a degree in art. Thoughts
of dropping this class have occurred, however I would need to replace
it with something, and the "add class date" is fast approaching. Plus,
I am an art major, I should take at least one studio art class each
semester, right???
Yeah.
Removing that class from my
mind, I can with enthusiasm say I am going to enjoy the rest of my
courses. I'm taking Hebrew 2, a continuation of the class I was in
last semester, and I enjoyed that greatly, so I expect the same for
this one. A challenge, most definitely, but enjoyable none the less.
I am also enrolled in two English courses, in order to fulfill both my
need for upper level credits and credits going towards a minor in
Writing. I'm taking American Lit II and Advanced Composition. Both of
these courses will be a lot of work, and when I look at the syllabus I
am overwhelmed, but I know as things move a long they begin to seem
less and less overwhelming. Today in Amer Lit. we discussed the
research paper we must do this semester. Mine is going to be on the
work of Willa Cather, and isn't due until the first week of April,
which is nice. In Adv Comp. we were given our first (of six) essays we
will be writing this semester. The topic of this one is to about
"personal discoveries." My mind has been going a mile a minute with
possible ideas and directions that this essay can take.
I'm also
taking Art History II, but, in my opinion, its an easy, somewhat
remedial class. I'm not overly worried or excited about it. It just
is.
I work until six tonight, then I have the evening "free".
Free is relative, because I should begin some of my multitude of
homework. I also really need to get support letters sent out for my
mission trip, I have been extremely irresponsible by not having done
that sooner. Especially considering our first due date for funds is
the 1st of February, um a week from today. Yikes. Also my rent is due
that day, and I have money for neither. I get my big fat refund check
from the school on the 7th. Wish I could wait a week before forking
over all that cash.
Rehearsal's for "The Bald Soprano" began
on Tuesday. Lots of laughter, I really look forward to doing this
show. My cast mates are very talented and funny people. It will be
great working with them. If only I could get my lines memorized. (Add
that to my 30 page long to-do list for this weekend).
Hebrew
begins in half an hour. I think I'll sign off and walk that direction,
ignoring the incessant voice in my head telling me that my bed at home
is missing me. | | |
|
